I came downstairs ready to go about my day and this new neighbor got his car parked so close to mine the bumpers are basically in a relationship. Not inches. Not a little tight. The front of his car is literally kissing my front like they exchanged vows overnight. I could not even slide a finger between them. Who parks like that and just walks away feeling accomplished?
I stood there staring at it, took pictures from every angle, and started knocking on doors because somebody needs to claim this nonsense immediately. I even left a bright sticky note on his windshield that said “WE ARE NOT THIS CLOSE.” Then I sat in my car and laid on the horn for a good ten seconds because if you are bold enough to park like that, you can be bold enough to come outside and face me.
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The other night, I had a girl over and we ended up hooking up in the living room, on my grandma’s old chair. You know, the one my mom acts like belongs in a museum. It’s been there forever, mostly just collecting dust. I figured if it could survive decades of neglect, it could handle one normal adult moment.
